In regards to my previous post, thanks for the comments and suggestions both public and private you posted. The support is appreciated and it did help me.
I wish so much crazy wasn't woven deep into the fabric of "me" but it is and I just have to keep moving forward and do the best I can.
The healthiest thing I've done is to let go.
Meditating the negative past away in a burst of air--although it may have been something like a bursting fiery flame released from the dragon's mouth that made me feel better. Burn, baby, burn.
I know, that doesn't sound terribly forgiving or a very healthy way to go about it, but imagining fire engulfing certain "events" in my life makes me feel better. It works.
Other things work, too.
Working out works.
Running, biking, pumping. Letting those good endorphins wash over me. It's been something I have let go since getting pregnant and finally almost 4 years later, I'm back in the gym and getting serious about my fitness future.
This past month and 1/2 I've gone back to a weekly yoga routine, biking, lifting, and swimming. I'm not the best swimmer but I love it and the fact that I get to swim laps with Julia Stiles really helps me to get motivated. She, by the way, is an awesome swimmer with a rocking body. I fully admit that I can't help but stare when she gets out of the pool and walks away. In the hopes of seeing Julia nekkid I always think "Hey, maybe I should go take a shower now!" But that's seems too lesbian stalkerish of me. So, I keep on swimming.
The yoga practice is by far the most rewarding--even if I'm surrounded by grandmothers instead of movie stars. You don't get too many young people or uh, even people my age taking yoga classes mid-mornings. Naturally, when you are doing poses next to an 80-year-old you feel pretty awesome about your practice. I highly recommend it.
Today, I saw my friend at Our Spirited Life posting about a 100# push up challenge and I thought....YES! This is what I need.
Girls can do push ups, too, right? Well, I can do 6 perfect ones right now so we'll see how I end up by the end of the month. It can't hurt and holy crap pregnancy didn't do my arms any favors.
Reminds me of when one of my very best friends came to visit me a couple of months after the twins were born and remarked "Wow, you've really lost most of the baby weight already!" Then she reached over and jiggled my upper arm as she said "But your arms are still fat."
So, here I go, 100 Push Ups Challenge.
Care to join?